Ring Observer Boxing by Scoop Malinowski
This is a parody satire essay of the machinations behind the Deontay Wilder ducking of Anthony Joshua by his protectors Al Haymon and Shelly Finkel…
Shelly Finkel: We are almost through this. We just need to keep pushing our story in the media, continue asserting it’s Joshua and Hearn avoiding the fight. When they keep hounding us with more offers we just have to keep to our story. Deontay, good job on the PBC site saying you don’t trust Hearn, that is a smart play to add that to our excuses list. It worked for Mayweather when he said that about Arum. It’s all about flooding the issue with excuses, roadblocks and reasons to kill the fight.
Al Haymon: Shelly, I need the money, PBC lost hundreds of millions, can’t we just make the damn fight?
SF: We’ve been through this countless times Al, Deontay isn’t ready for this fight. If he loses by knockout, it’s over for all of us. Remember what happened to Michael Spinks against Tyson? If Deontay gets knocked out like that we’re all out of business. We have to stick with the gameplan – 51-0. Then we will start to see money. Serious money. By the time Deontay gets to 51-0, Joshua may be retired or he may lose once or twice. Then we can keep going, we can rake in billions.
Al Haymon: Maybe Deontay can land a lucky punch and then we run the show. And we won’t have to lie and bulljive anymore.
Shelly Finkel: Deontay is having trouble landing shots on the punching bags we give him. He stopped improving because we made this too easy for him. Just like how you wrecked Seth Mitchell by making it too easy for him. Then when you finally gave him a real fight against Jonathon Banks he fell apart. No, we have to stick to the plan. Avoid Joshua, Whyte, Povetkin, Pulev and all heavyweights we can’t control. Let them battle it out in their own league while we stay in our lane. If we get to 51-0 and break the Marciano and Mayweather records, I think we can manipulate Stephen Espinoza to give us a five fight $150 million dollar guaranteed contract. Then Hearn and Joshua will be at our feet wanting a slice of the American pie. Then we can call the shots.
Al Haymon: I don’t know Shelly, a lot of big ifs in this scheme.
Shelly Finkel: Leave it me Al. I’ve been through this before. Look at all the millions I squeezed out of Tyson after he was a shell of a shell of a shell of himself. I know how to work the system. All we have to do is keep avoiding Joshua. All Deontay has to do is keep yelling Bombzquad and acting like a thug. Deontay, just keep flipping it back at Joshua and Hearn, how they are ducking the fight and our media boys will keep protecting us. We’re almost home free. Just send an envelope to a few guys like Teddy Atlas, Tyson Fury, Luis Oritz to tell the media they think Joshua is doing the ducking and Wilder will knock him out in four rounds. The fans are so stupid they believe anything they read.
Al Haymon: Why did you order Deontay to say that he was interested to drop down to cruiserweight? I don’t understand that part.
Shelly Finekl: It’s another smokescreen. We use smokescreens to divert pressure off of us. By Deontay saying he would like to go down to cruiser can be construed as him having more options than just Joshua. And it creates the illusion Deontay is in control. And it adds to the illusion that Deontay is fearless and he’s seeking new challenges to take on.
Al Haymon: What if Hearn keeps making huge offers and pushes for face to face meetings with us?
Shelly Finkel: Then we just demand 50-50. Whenever our backs are against the wall we just demand 50-50. Just like whenever Mayweather’s back was against the wall from the pressure by the media and Arum to fight Pacquiao, Floyd always demanded 90-10 or 80-20. 50-50 is our escape hatch.
Al Haymon: What if Hearn and Joshua agree to 50-50?
Shelly Finkel: Then Deontay retires. Just like Mayweather fake retired all those times when the pressure was too enormous to fight someone he knew he’d lose to.
Al Haymon: I don’t know Shelly. I’m tired of all this duckery. Let’s just give the fans and media what they want. Maybe Deontay can land that home run shot and we’ll be on top of the world, like the Duvas when Holyfield KOed Douglas.
Shelly Finkel: Deontay doesn’t have what it takes. We knew that from the beginning. That’s why we rigged the whole thing to this point. He looks the part, sounds the part, but he can’t box and he can’t fight, all he can do is punch a tomato can. Everybody knows how he got destroyed in sparring by Klitschko. He’s B league. But by smoke and mirrors and manipulating the process we can make him appear to be A league.
Al Haymon: How much do we pay Breazeale to be Deontay’s next patsy?
Shelly Finkel: We can short him, he needs the payday and will take whatever we offer. Like Ortiz and all the rest, he’s lucky if he gets $20,000 for a stay-busy fight. These guys take whatever crumbs we offer. They have no leverage and no other options that what we give em.
